Soul Searching

Recently things haven’t been exactly going my way. I’m slowly feeling a little lost. I’m ‘making moves’ but I’m not sure if they’re what I want or what I should be doing. I’m hoping they’ll take me to my goal. But what is my goal? What is it that I want to accomplished? I feel a bit stranded.

Let’s look back at my New Year’s resolution:

  1. Travel more (Started but there’s more for me to explore)
  2. Gym (mainly yoga) (Joining a gym today as soon as I upload this!)
  3. Keep up this blog (I think I’ve been doing good)
  4. Focus on YouTube more (I need to sit and learn how to use Premiere Pro, yikes!)
  5. Do more of what I’m afraid of (Baby steps)

Looking at this list I’m slowly accomplishing it. But I am getting lazy with it. I need to re-focus. Get back in the groove. I need to find that feeling again. The feeling I had when I was excited for the year. I was excited for the challenges and opportunities to come. But now that vision is foggy.

I need to do some 4 months into 2018 soul searching.

Reconnect with myself and my goals.

Find that passion I had.

Ignite that flame again.

But I’m not only lost in life. I’m lost in school. I’ve finally obtained my AA which was a bloody process. I had let school fall behind and what was suppose to take 2 years took 4. I’m now transferring to a university.

A university. Me. I’m still in disbelief. Even though it’s the school everyone in my city goes to, it’s surreal. Thankfully it’s online WHICH will help finish the goals I’ve listed. See what I did there? I’m making things work in full circle. And I have a less chance of bumping into people from high school. Let’s face it no one likes that. But did I choose the right major? It’s not what I had originally planned. It’s still in the same field.

Did I make the right decision?

Did I make the wrong one?

But you know what that means? I’m going to be killing myself with work.

On top of school I have this blog, rehearsals for a musical, an administrative job, and a writing internship. Funny thing is, it doesn’t feel like enough. Like I’m missing something that I haven’t quite found. There’s something that I’m suppose to be doing.

I’m not sure what it is. I can feel it though, coursing through my veins. Something good is coming.

But what?

Guess I really need to do some soul searching.


Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. -Henry David Thoreau

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