Miami is so beautiful. Miami has great beaches. Miami has banging coffee. Sunshine and delicious drinks. What more could you ask for?
Men. We need men. We have no men. I mean we do have men…but like…it’s a no for me on behalf of the females. And the ones we do have are extremely hard to find.
What we do have is a bunch of posers who think they’re men but act like they’re 21 going on 13.
What do we call those insolent immature blokes?
Never heard of the term? Well here’s the basic definition: “A Fuck Boy is a specific type of male millennial douche-bag. Thanks to smartphones and social media making the ability to lead an unproductive and narcissistic lifestyle especially easy. They are the kind of people that Baby Boomers like to point to as proof that millennial’s are morally bankrupt and lazy.” (All from Urban Dictionary!)
Are you scared now? Disgusted? Don’t worry. They’re just immature little slugs with nothing better going on in their lives and can be easily avoided.
Wondering if the guy you’re currently dating is one? Wondering if you know one? Wondering if you are one? Well you’re in luck! I have a few signs that can help you!
Here’s how to spot a fuckboy!
- He’s currently married and still trying to slide into your DMs.
- He’s going to have a baby with his girlfriend and still DMing you.
- He snapchats you even though he is married or has a girlfriend.
- He slide’s into your DMs and when you say you’re not interested he replies by calling you a slut or bitch.
- He takes ‘fuck boy’ pictures.You know the kind where they squint their eyes and make a constipated face while trying to show off his muscles. (They all have the same haircut btw.)
- He drives an expensive car but can’t afford school let alone food.
- He always takes gym selfies with that ‘sexy’ constipated face.
- #7 also applies for car selfies where they blast music and make an awkward tough smirk while bobbing their head to rap music.
- His instagram is filled with topless pictures that all look the same. Oh! And different girls!
- Netflix and chill. Emphasis on “chill.”
- When he claims he likes independent women but than tries to bring you down because you’re not needy enough or doing ‘womanly’ chores for him. He might as well date his mom because it ain’t happening.
- He says things like, “we should hang” but never initiates an actual date.
- He’ll disappear for days without you hearing from him, and when he finally resurfaces he offers no explanation, like it’s perfectly normal. A ghost that needs to be exorcise.
- His compliments are always about your body.
- He’s constantly begging for nudes.
- The infamous midnight texts.
- He truly believes he’s never wrong.
- Only talks about himself.
- BONUS: They most likely dress the same and have the same haircut.
Still a little unsure? I don’t know why but okay I see. I got you.
Here is some text messages you might get!
- “I don’t know what I want right now.”
- “Wanna chill?” *12:09 a.m.
- Only communicates via Snapchat or any social media platform.
- “You have a really good personality, TBH”
- *When you’re about to shower* “Without me?”
- “And then what..?”
- “Who’s your friend?”
- “Woah chill this isn’t serious.”
- “Netflix and chill?”
- “I’m home alone.”
- “You home alone?”
- “Why are you mad? It’s not like we’re dating.”
- “You’re a good friend though.”
- “You up?”
- “What would you do if I were there with you right now?”
- “I’m really not looking for anything serious.”
And that people are signs that you are dating, know, or are a fuck boy. If you know one tell them to grow up. If you are one…yikes. If you’re dating one well honey you could be doing so many greater things than him. Your time is precious. Why have a dog yank your chain when you could be vacationing in Costa Rica sipping tequila sunrises? Don’t waste time on a monkey who is only fooling around.
“Plot twist. I know my worth.” -Letitia Wright