MAYday: The Month of Hell

The past few weeks have been extraneous. May has been a hell month for me. I find it quite funny calling it a hell month seeing how in high school May was always known has hell month since it was a month filled with AP testing.

It’s been a stressful month with starting university, working more hours than normal, extra days of rehearsal and being incredibly sick. Mentally and physically my body has been pushed closer and closer to the edge. And there’s still five days left!

On top of all that my mindset has teetered towards the dark side. I feel myself swimming through a river of questions like, “what will I be doing this summer?” “why haven’t I gotten an opportunity yet?”, “Why my friends and not me?”, “Am I doing enough?” I feel myself trapped in a forest and I can’t find the path anymore.

I’m the type of person that likes to have things planned ahead of time and my summer is completely up in the air.

My friends all have plans and I’m just wallowing in limbo.

People tell me to relax and go with the flow but it’s so difficult.

It’s difficult when you know there is something out there for you but it hasn’t arrived yet. When you sense it coming but it’s not quite there yet.  And it all comes down to perseverance and timing.

I’ve learned that everything happens in due time. That everyone has their own life schedule where things happen to them when it’s the right. Don’t rush. It’s right yet. My time isn’t right now. All I can do is keep grinding the wheels in my brain and persevere.

I just gotta breathe and be patient…I just hope not for long.

“Do what you have to until you can do what you want to do.” -Oprah

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