I’ve been reflecting a lot this week. I’ve been looking back on all the mistakes I’ve made and people I’ve met. It’s left me in a confused state of mind. Not many people know that that’s how I’ve been feeling. I’ve been feeling sad and empty. It’s quite complicated to describe really. It’s been this uneasy funk that my mind just couldn’t shake. I’ve been restless and tired. I felt this heavy weight in my heart.
But then I found a project from my senior year in English. It was a project filled with things I had to write about. Things like regrets, successes, hopes, poetry on my friendships and school. Also a letter to the most influential person I know but most importantly a letter to my future self. Things didn’t go the way I had written in that letter four years ago…at least not exactly. Reading those things I started crying…in Panera literally. People were looking at me. But it wasn’t tears of sadness. It was tears of joy. I felt this giant relief. Yes, my life didn’t go the way I wanted. Yes, I’ve changed. Yes, my friends have changed and even some of my dreams. But reading those pages I discovered that the shy, lost girl from four years ago had turned to a strong, smart, at times lost woman.
Reflection is scary. Looking in the mirror and being unsure of who you see in the mirror is scary. It’s hard to look back on the mistakes you’ve made. Accepting the choices you made is sometimes heartbreaking. Life throws things at you and can change your direction. But that doesn’t mean you won’t end up where you need to be.
Reflection is a good thing. It can make you realize things about yourself and the people around you. It can push you to do better. You’ll learn so much more about yourself.
And right now I’ve never been more proud of who I am. And although the road I decided to take four years ago isn’t the easiest I know in my very gut it’s the right one.
So look back. No matter how scary it is face your past. Shake hands with your mistakes. Accept them and look towards the horizon.
Adventure awaits my friend!
“Sometimes, you have to look back in order to understand the things that lie ahead.”
― Yvonne Woon, Dead Beautiful