The past summer has involved a lot of coffee and very little sleep. I bounced between summer classes, rehearsals, baby shower preparations and landing jobs. Was it worth the little sleep? I think so. Did I make time for myself? I tried. This summer was filled with new beginnings and exhaustion. But now the fall semester has started and I thought I would be catching a break. Boy was I wrong. I have some pretty tough classes, a brand campaign to work on, this blog, assistant director for Aladdin Jr. and attempting to land some position in communications.
But as of right now, I feel like I’m in a rut. A creative rut. I feel like I’m missing my spark. Maybe it’s lost. Misplace? Or maybe its in a tiny box in the corner of my brain labelled, “Lost but eventually will be found.” Once upon a time I used to be filled with creativity. I would be oozing with ideas. They would flow out me. I used to be able to paint vivid stories, form sentences that were stringed together by the finest silk. I used to make people cry, laugh and smile. I miss that. I miss the feel of pages against my fingers and the feel of the pen gliding across the page. I’ve been so focus on trying to figure what I want to be, on figuring out the endgame that I haven’t relaxed. There are so many things I want to do, accomplish and see. I know whatever I decide to do needs to have an outlet for me to create. I look around I try my very best not to compare myself to others. To not confuse my own path with theirs. Everything happens for a reason and I for one know that better than anyone. But still I can’t help the little negativity monster from creeping on my shoulder.
Reflecting on the year so far I’m trying to focus on what I’ve done rather than what I haven’t. I scored 100+ followers on this blog, made the dean’s list twice, landed an assistant director position and performed. I even traveled to two countries! And possibly a third very soon. The fall has a lot of exciting things in the work. SO much that I’m kinda scared. I’m trying my best to be there for me, my family and those I care about. So, for the rest of year I’ve made a promise to myself. Okay, a couple promises just in case I can’t keep one. I promise to focus on creating content. Whether it’d through music, art or writing. I plan to actively seek more opportunities and trusting in HIS plan. I plan to make time for the people I love. I plan to work on me. I hope you’re ready. I’m not sure I am. I might lose some sleep and possibly some hair. But my motto until the end of 2019 is, “Faith, trust, pixie dust and a lot of coffee.”
“But there was a difference between being stuck and choosing to stay. Between being found and finding yourself.”