A lot of great things have been happening lately. But I can’t help feeling as if I’m doing everything wrong. I just finished my first big stage assistant director show and we sold out every night. Which I should be proud of. My first semester as a senior finishes next month. I, for sure don’t want to think about school next year (more like avoiding). Booked my first graduation shoot. And I finished not one but two internships in social media marketing.
I’m accomplishing so much yet I feel like things could have turned out better or that I’m not trying hard enough or not paying enough attention to my actions or words. I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself. But this is negative Nancy speaking. What’s worse is I know that. That all those negative thoughts are the old Isabel making herself feel bad, making the world revolve around her. And I apologize to anyone that may have felt me doing that.
Today was suppose to be a relaxing day and yet I was racked with over sensitivity. My eyes were cracking open with tears for every little thing like dropping my Christmas tree star, squirting dish soap everywhere and even blowing a fuse. Everything I did and said just felt wrong. And after an insane, highly demanding weekend every nerve in me was/is shot.
And it’s because all the pressures of the past few months have been piling up. And what did I do every time I felt frustrated? Told myself to suck it up, it’s fine, I’m fine. My mantra that’s become detrimental to my mental health is, “it’s okay I’m fine.” So now I sit here, typing this up on Monday November 24 at 11:33 PM hoping this aids in some form of release. Hoping this strikes a similar chord in your heart and you realize you’re not alone.
Because things will go wrong. You’ll have days where the coffee you made tastes like dirt, you burnt dinner, you tripped over yourself or forgot to get that email sent out. It happens to the best of us. Heck it’s happening to me now. But I’ve learn to recognize those days. I’ve learned to cry it out. I’m an emotional person. I take everything to heart. I’m an empath. This is something I try to remind myself every time. And bless my friends who do help me (ma girls).
Tomorrow is a new day with new beginnings. All it takes is one step in your own right direction. Also a glass of wine never hurt anyone…that is only if you’re an adult other than that tea does the same thing…for the soul.
So here’s to tomorrow! Which for me starts in seven minutes. I just realized that three years ago I started this blog. Last year I kept up with it but next year I’ll be on top of it.
And I alas sadly am not tired. Really got to get a better sleeping schedule.