I Am a Woman.

Growing up we were told to be quiet and listen. We were told to cover up. Boys will be boys ( as if that phrase justifies the crimes they commit). Well what was she wearing? Why was she there? Don’t you want kids? Don’t you want to get married? You’re a woman, you should know how to cook and clean.

If I want to go out, have a drink and dance in the middle of a club I will. Because it’s fun. Because I like it. I shouldn’t have to constantly look over my shoulder while carrying mace in my hand or making sure there is no one under my car or in the back seat. I shouldn’t have to push a man away for groping me without my permission and then immediately get called a bitch for simply denying myself from him. But it’s happened. Multiple times and continues to do so for women all over the world regardless of how they act or what they wear. I am sick and tired of having to prove my worth. I am sick and tired of watching what I say because I might sound smarter than a man. I will not diminish my light so he can shine. I’m tired of being quiet and taking the patriarchy beating that women before me were forced to endure.

I am not a bitch for speaking my mind. I am not a slut for telling you I am not interested. I am not an object for you to play with. Just because I have manners doesn’t mean I am flirting with you. I wear what I want to make me happy not to grab someone’s attention. Maybe I’ll have kids and maybe I won’t. That’s fine with me. Maybe I’ll get married, maybe I won’t. Once again that is fine with me. Why? Because at some point during my college years I realized that MY life as a woman is more than just being a wife and a mom (granted once again if that happens fantastic). I want to make sure I am happy. I am satisfied. I am successful by my own terms. 

So it doesn’t matter whether I dress preppy or sporty, girly or grunge, conservative or revealing What matters is that I am happy with the blank canvas that I see every morning and night. Scars, dark circles, stretch marks, cellulite and all. Just because I wear a mini skirt and high heels doesn’t mean that I am not intelligent. I can be in a backless dress and carry a conversation on humanities, history, books and art. But I can also wear a knee length turtleneck dress and listen to Paramore or Snoop Dog. What I wear, watch or listen to doesn’t make me less of a woman, doesn’t make me less of a human being or push me away from what I believe. Because I am confident in who I am. I am confident in my relationship with the man upstairs and you can’t do or say anything to change that. You don’t control me. I control myself. What matters is when I shed the clothes of the day and wipe the makeup off my face I am smiling at the person I see.

I am strong.

I am talented.

I have faith.

I am loved.

I am funny.

I am a woman.

And women get shit done. 

It’s Over!

It’s over!

Yesterday I graduated. I was under the most stress I had ever been the past two weeks to the point that on graduation day I cracked twice and started crying because I was overwhelmed by everything, stress, people and every part of me wanted to run away and lock myself in my room. Because that is the type of person that I am. When things get too much I like to hide away.

But I couldn’t, obviously. And before you say ‘but you act and people give you attention,” that’s attention for pretending to be someone else. However, I’m grateful for everything and everyone that was there that day to make it special. Hopefully when I feel better I can give everyone a proper thank you. Maybe put my cricut machine to good use.

And while you’ll probably say now “you can take a break” well I do have three jobs so there is no break for the weary. Also a vacation during this time is a little difficult. But I guess my afternoons are more open for me to do more creative work. Which I am excited about. Because while that sound like more work creating helps to ease my soul. I’m laughing at myself. When will I ever sleep?

I am taking this Monday a little easier then most. I do have things to get done today but I am doing it an more a leisurely pace. Which is a huge sigh of relief for me.

I literally have no plans for the future or for life except for leaving Florida. That’s going to happen at some point. I just know that whatever job I decide I want to create so I’ll figure it out. I’ve done a lot of things in my life so I know if I keep trusting in myself and God I’ll make it through.

It is weird to think I am done. You spend years going to school learning new ideas, unlearning things that were taught inaccurately that when it’s done it’s just a weird feeling. And while I play around with the idea of a master’s degree it’s nothing that is incredibly important job wise for me. But I’ll take a few months to think about it. If I do go back to school it’ll be quick because I don’t want to spend more than 18 months. If you can’t tell by now I’m not that fond of school.

Thanks to everyone for helping the day feel special! It’s over! (For now…maybe…)

Also I’ve learned that PTSD for school is a thing. I literally can’t sleep because I keep thinking I have assignments due. It’s wild. But it might have to do with the fact that my assignments still haven’t been graded and yes I graduated yesterday. Makes no sense.

Anyway I hope everyone has a peaceful Monday morning. Don’t forget to drink water!

It’s Okay To Not Be Excited

I’M GRADUATING!

Am I suppose to be excited? Honestly I’m not. For me it’s just going to be another day. And I’ve made piece with that fact. I use to feel bad because everyone would be excited and I would just be there thinking something is wrong with me.

For most people graduation is an achievement, an accomplishment (and it is) but for me it’s just another stop, another step in life. And that’s fine. I know that I’ve accomplished a lot. And I don’t try to diminish that. I’ve done a lot in the six years I’ve taken to get my bachelor’s. And yes it’s taken six years. No shame because there’s none. So I know this is also a big thing. But it’s the one of many. This is a BIG achievement but it’s not MY big achievement. I know in my heart I haven’t reached where I want to be. This is just a step to get to my dream.

So no more “You SHOULD feel excited.” “But you SHOULD feel happy.”

Just like how Sven says, “You feel what you feel and those feelings are real.”

Also I would like to thanks to cameras with timers because man this was a mission.

Why I’m Not Happy About Graduating

I graduate August 2. You’re probably wishing me congratulations. Which I get. It’s a big thing. I’m finally graduating. It took a very long time to get here. But everyone has their own path. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. 

But if I’m being honest I’m not excited. I’ve expressed this to multiple people. And everyone questioned it. Everyone said I should be happy. 

You’re forgetting. I’m graduating in 2020. There is a global pandemic that people are treating like a political issue when it’s a human issue. There’s a civil war that people are treating like it is a political issue and only the privilege matter (By the way I fully support the BLM movement. Growing up in a low income, heavily immigrant neighborhood makes you see and hear things). The job market is basically nonexistent. Finding a job after graduation has always been hard but now it’s even words. I’ve spent exhausting hours looking for jobs that I can work remotely for. And I don’t even know what I should be applying for. Masters degree? How am I going to afford that? What am I doing with my life? 

So yes. I’m terrified to graduate because I don’t know what sort of monster of a storm I’m being thrown into it. None of us know. So thank you for the congrats. I assure you I’ll be drinking lots of wine on graduation day (yes mom I know you’re going to read this. Saying that doesn’t make me alcoholic it means I’m celebrating and you should too). 

Also can I just say this has been the hardest semester of school in my life and I’m literally ready to break at any given moment. 

Wait! I didn’t even mention my degree. I’m getting a Bachelor’s in Science in PRAAC. You have no idea what that is right? Well FIU is the only school to my knowledge to offer it. It stands for PR/Advertising/Applied Communications. Therefore I should be somewhat knowledgeable in each of those areas. And a minor in social media marketing. Although I think I need to fill out the paperwork for that…..ugh another thing to add to my never ending list. Along with figuring out how I’m doing my own graduation pictures….I can do this. I can definitely do this…

I have no idea what 2020 has in store for me for it’s last few months but I’ll try to keep my head above water. Thankfully french fries exist to hold me over.

Written at 2:30 AM. Excuse the mistakes.

Autumn Leaves

Autumn Leaves by Isabel Afonso

 

The crunch of leaves fills her ears. The chilling winds sweep her off her feet. She tugs at her charcoal gray cardigan, hurries down the cluttered street. Her blue eyes glance at the slow dying trees. The ever changing leaves float to the ground like parachutes. Colors of red, orange, and brown swirl around her feet.  She smiles, her hand tightening around her burgundy knitted scarf. She passes by a bakery, the smell of cinnamon drawing her attention. She retraces her steps as people scurry by, trying to get home to their kids. Her eyes widen as she stares longingly into the window. Decorated according to the season, plastic leaves outline the window and circle the delicious wonders: pumpkin pies, cakes, pecan pies, cupcakes frosted in red and orange. Her stomach rumbles. She walks in line. A whiff of cinnamon wakes her senses. A couple is seated in the corner, sharing a milkshake. She averts her gaze. The cashier is a petite girl with curly brown hair and eyes to match. She smiles and says, ‘Have a great day!” handing her the chosen pumpkin pie.

She continues on her way home. This used to be her favorite season. She lets her gaze wander, watching kids tug at their parent’s jacket, begging for toys, as couples walk hand in hand, losing themselves in each other’s eyes. She looks to the floor, feeling tears gather in her eyes. Her mind betrays her, bringing back the memories she wished to keep locked up in a steel cage.

She was walking home when a gust of wind took her scarf in its hands. She gasped turning around. She began to run, her boots kicking up the dead leaves. She cursed under her breath. A tan hand reached out and grabbed her burgundy scarf.

“Is this yours?”

 A deep voice rang. She tilted her head slightly up. Big brown eyes held her in a trance.

“Yes,” she squeaked.

 Her eyes were firmly planted to the ground as her cheeks grew warm. He laughed and wrapped it gently around her neck. She could feel her face flush.

“Hi, I’m…”

She smiles as a tear trails down her freckled cheek. Her feet take her on a painfully familiar path. Fall. She remembers why she loved the fall now.

She laughed as he carved their names into the tree. Leaves were once again falling.

“It’s sad how leaves only live a short while,” she said.

“True but they live their lives to the fullest, changing colors as if they are putting a show for us,” he said making the finishing touches. She smiled, tied her long hair back, and began cutting him a slice of pumpkin pie.

It wasn’t the slow changing of the leaves. It wasn’t the way each leaf seemingly floats to the ground like a snowflake. It wasn’t the crisp wind or the smell of pinecones. None of those were the reason why she once loved this season. As the wind picks up she flicks her now choppy blonde hair back. She can see the sign up ahead and its medieval iron gate. She can see the scattering of flowers. Another memory comes to her.

“Don’t cry.” He whispered his voice breaking. She couldn’t stop the streams of tears. Her face was red and her eyes puffy. He gripped her hand with what little strength he had left. She looked at his hand. It looked so frail and pale. Her lips tremble trying to keep her sounds of pain. She ignored the noise from the machine. She never knew she could hate a machine so much. He kissed her cheek.

“Promise me you’ll move on and try to be happy,” he whispered. She laid her head against his chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat relishing in this moment.

 “I promise.”

Her knees sink beneath her into the grass. She sits on the crushed leaves. Sad how they live for a short time, she thought.  She popped the box open and began to eat her pie. She looks at the piece of cement block that was planted into the ground, tracing her fingers on the carved letters. She sits there for what seems like ages. She straightens herself. She can almost feel him, right there, his arms wrapped around her like the autumn breeze.

“Good bye, Alex,” she whispered.

She did, and maybe always would, love the fall.

Empathy

Empath

Definition:  a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

My definition: being one with your emotions and everyone else’s to the point you get overwhelmed by trying to be everyone’s superhero and keep a smile on your face.

It’s exhausting being empath. It’s exhausting having to feed everyone’s emotions and dissect their feelings, turmoils and hectic thoughts while trying to peel back their emotional residue from your skin.

It’s hard stepping back. The cure? There is none.

There’s no cure for being someone’s therapist, someone they feel they can bare their soul too. All you can do is recharge and relax. Distant yourself for a bit. Curl up in bed where their feelings can’t slip through the locked doors. It’ll give you a chance to breathe.

Empathy isn’t for the weak. Being an empathetic person means you’re strong enough to handle others while trying to grip onto your own reality. But what I’ve learn is that having someone who is sympathetic to hold your hand makes walking the world a little easier.

2019 Reflection-Part 2

Alright. Time for my annual reflection. I swear every time I write one of these I realize I just get busier and busier with each passing year. 2019 was one for the books. I accomplished a lot of firsts. 

Now my favorite part. Let’s take a look at my New Year’s Resolution from last year and see how horrible I did.

2019 New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Travel more (in the works as we speak)
  2. Believe in my work
  3. Pursue this blog more seriously (aka go to events and be inspired by the world)
  4. Push myself musically
  5. Look for opportunities and go for them no matter what
  6. Speak out more and don’t be afraid to

Wow. I did it. I actually accomplished my resolutions. I’m kinda shock as I write. This. I got to travel to two countries, I started creating scrunchies and photography, I kept up this blog decently, I performed in shows and tackled harder songs, I got two internships and I spoke up for myself in multiple situations. I. Did. It.

I’m officially a senior at my university and my most recent semester kicked my ass…literally. My classes were tough and it looks like I’ll be repeating a class. Was I upset? Yes. But it all came down to one bad essay grade. So despite my busy schedule I was actually doing good in the class despite my deep dislike for the teacher. 

I got to go to London and Dublin with my best friends. What a trip! I definitely miss all the craziness and adventure. But now that I think about it I got to spend my birthday in Ireland. How am I topping that next year?!

My mother and I decided to open an etsy shop. Balbina Boutique. She makes headbands and knits handmade decorations and I make scrunchies. It’s slowly becoming something which I love. 

Not only did I get to perform in The Little Mermaid I got to be an assistant director for Aladdin Jr. I was majorly invested in the theatre this year. And I’m pretty proud of myself.

I’m finishing off the year with 2 internships! I literally finish on Thursday. School, theatre and two internships. Bless my mom, friends and boyfriend for keeping me sane. 

And one of the best things that happened this year was the birth of my adorable nephew Tiago! He’s absolutely delicious. 

I also grew as a person. I learned a lot about myself. A lot of self improvement has happened. It’s interesting once you know why you react or think they way you do you learn how toxic in can be. My best friend’s and I are closer than ever. We’ve been more honest and open with each other that I feel like we’ve reached a new level. Also my best friend’s have been killing it. Honestly, even if they can’t see it. I also have an amazing boyfriend which I’ll leave at that. 😉

The year is ending in less than two weeks and all I have left to do is host Friendmas and Christmas Eve dinner. Wish my mother and I luck!

However something about 2020 has me nervous. Maybe it’s because I’m getting closer to graduating and deciding on a masters. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a job or an internship lined up at the moment. Or maybe it’s because I have no idea what to look forward too. A part of me is nervous. Nervous of what it might bring but another part of me realizes that with every passing year things get better. The opportunities get better. The adventures get better. So despite being nervous I’m also incredibly excited. 

So cheers to 2020 and whatever it may hold and cheers to turning 24. Jeez I’ll be 24. Almost halfway to 30. That’s a scary thought. 

Oh wait! But my 2020 New Year’s Resolution! What should I try to do? This is hard.

2020 New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Travel even more! Especially with mom!
  2. Push myself more into creating content whether it’s with photography, blogging or youtube.
  3. Go for more auditions. 
  4. Cook/try more exotic food.
  5. Look/Go for more opportunities even if I think I’m not exactly perfect for them.
  6. Be more present in my relationships.

Thank You-Part 1 2019 Reflection

DECEMBER 2, 2019. In just less than 30 days we shall be entering 2020. It’s crazy to think that the year 2000 will be 20 years ago. I mean it’s crazy just to think that I graduated five years ago. I usually reflect on the year past in my blog post when it comes near New Year’s but that is for another post. This one is different. This one is sorta of a reflection/sorry/thank you. 

An hour ago…around 8pm I went on a scouring for my old books. I’ve recently decided to reread my ultimate favorite series: The Mortal Instruments. Sadly I’ve discovered that I’m missing books 2-4. Have no idea why they’re missing but it makes my heart ache. While searching for my favorite books that once held all of my attention and soul in my teen years I stumbled upon a folder. It’s a blue folder that’s heavy. On top in red marker in horrendous handwriting it says, ‘Holiday Cards.’ I took a deep breath. I knew immediately all the contents in the folder. It’s filled with birthday cards, Christmas cards, graduation cards scattered throughout the years. I even have birthday invitations! Some from middle school, high school and early college. 

DSC_0042

Than I remembered a box I have and I went searching for that. In the box were not only more cards but things from Gradbash, one note from ELEMENTARY school and letters of friendship.

So here I am sitting on my tile floor silently crying. Memories flooding back. Memories of shared laughter and smiles with people who I don’t see or talk to anymore. Well some of them. Cards filled with friends forever, you’re incredibly talented and you’re going to do great things in life. I sat in awe. A lot of those cards said that. That I will be great. That I’m smart. That I’m beautiful. I remember the girl that those cards were referring too. That girl didn’t feel smart. She felt ugly. She felt talent-less. She felt sad. She felt lonely. And looking at myself now I’ve realized I didn’t feel much of those things anymore. 

DSC_0045

This is from Jack. I remember Jack. I wonder if Jack remembers me? I actually tagged him in a picture of that card when I found it. Jack probably doesn’t remember much of me but I remember he was always sweet and smart and funny. He would always lend a helping hand. One memory I cherish is I was walking into Ms. Delancey class in first grade and I had glasses. I was nervous. My mom had told my teacher that I was nervous people might make fun of me. The teacher assured her that they wouldn’t and we had a student who was confident in his glasses. And that was Jack. Jack waved at me with his wiry glasses and flashed me a genuine bright smile. I felt at ease. And since than in elementary he was always kind to me. I remember being upset that he was moving. So thank you Jack. For being kind. For having a good heart. You have no idea how much it meant.

IMG_20191221_125324

 In middle school Allisson gave me a pink Eeyore for my birthday. Yes that’s two l’s and two s’s. It must have been 6th and 7th grade.But I’ve actually known her since elementary school. Allisson is smart and beyond beautiful. I always thought she was pretty. If memory serves me correct my cousin had a crush on her and I think she did on him. I went to elementary, middle and high school with her. Sadly middle school we drifted apart. Middle school is strange and awkward and you start to learn more about the world. A lot of friendships drift apart because middle school is different. You start to become more aware of your body changing, of how girls look at boys or other girls and vice versa. She started hanging out with girls who in my opinion were more popular. Was not a bad thing. But her friendship was the first to start helping me realize that some friendships grow apart. I’ve kept this because Allisson was and is always kind to me. She now has a beautiful baby girl and an amazing boyfriend which she definitely deserves. Thank you Allisson. Even though we grew apart you are still kind and funny. Thank you for the secret notes we’d pass around in Ms. Perdomo’s class and for dance breaks in P.E. You were the first person to help me realize that it’s okay if people drift apart. Some are meant too. Doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. 

DSC_0036

Middle School. This is a bookmark one of my old best friends. This one is from 8th grade. I remember it because I was a library aide (total book nerd). Mia knows how much I love books and decided to make me this. Mia and I became friends in 7th grade and we stayed friends even when going to separate high schools. Our friendship grew closer senior year and especially once we graduated. We don’t talk much now but it doesn’t mean we aren’t friends. Life gets complicated. People go on different paths. That is something life has taught me. People grow and some people need to grow. There are times when growing is best done apart. Thank you Mia for always brave, determined and outgoing. For being there for all of my lows. For helping me see that I needed to grow within myself. 

DSC_0037

These are from high school. Three girls who I spent my entire high school life with. We went to homecoming together, prom, survived agriscience together and were tighter than a knit sweater. But sometimes a knit sweater can unravel. And we did. I learned a lot from this friendship. Honestly this is hard to write. It’s complicated to write. I always felt out of place in the group. Whether they knew this or not I feel the sense to apologize. I think we all knew I was the loose string. I was always jokingly trying to break up the group. And maybe I was subconsciously. I really don’t know but I did feel as though deep down I didn’t fit in. They were/are confident and assertive. I wasn’t. I felt like I was trying to be something I wasn’t. But gosh, am I grateful for the memories and laughter these girls gave me. Like surprising me for my birthday by hiding in my closet, walking into my bathroom while I was showering screaming happy birthday and sharing my first sleepover experience. After graduation we drifted apart. I wasn’t making time for them and when I did make time they didn’t want it. And I don’t blame them. Why put effort for someone who doesn’t give it back? And that is the lesson Noella, Sabrina and Ashlynn taught me. That friendship means nothing if it’s not a two way street. A lesson I’m still learning to remember. So thank you girls. Thank you for Simba, the memories and helping me realize myself. 

DSC_0042

Cristina! How’s vet school? I’ve known Cristina since the 9th grade when we met in agriscience class. Funny enough we’ve maintained our friendship mainly through snapchat. We literally had a 600 day streak that I ruined due to vacation. Cristina is an amazing human being whose always listening to my rants and crazy stories. I would always go to her house on a break from working at the daycare. Cristina thank you for still being my friend and being incredibly supportive in everything I do. I put effort into making sure I contact her everyday. Because friendships last when you put effort. Crazy to think how far we’ve actually come since high school! Also you know you’re going to be my dog’s vet? So hurry up and graduate!

DSC_0040

This is from Anaija. Anaija is my best friend. I’ve known her since the 7th grade and we are still friends today. Anaija is my sister, my best friend and my therapist. She has been with me through it all. Que tears. She has seen me and heard me at my lowest points and has been with me to celebrate in person and virtually every high. She’s helped me through heartache, deaths, achievements and laughter. She has helped me grow into who I am. She’s helped me learn more about myself. I guess that psych degree is coming in handy. Anaija I appreciate and value our friendship. Heck you already know your my maid of honor (and you know who you’re sharing that title with). Even with distance and not communicating every day I look forward to our catch up sessions and random I love you’s. Thank you for being my sister and holding my hand through life. Thank you for being a constant rock and helping me realize my toxic traits and helping me grow.

 

This is from Yily my other best friend. My other half. Yily and I met in 9th grade, fourth day of high school. It was I believe fourth period. Yily stole my seat. See we both have last names that start with A’s. We’re both used to being the first or second person in a seat when it comes to sitting in alphabetical order. I sat behind her, nervous to correct her. I took a deep breath and mustered my strength to tap her shoulder. She realized her mistake. And we’ve been friends ever since. This girl has also been with me through it all. Yily is a kindred spirit. We are so alike it’s scary. Sometimes it’s as if she’s the only person who understands me and freaky enough we’re always going through the same thing. Let’s just say both of our siblings had babies two months apart. Freaky. Yily you also know you’re going to be my maid of honor (sharing with Anaija of course). She has been with me through breakups, figuring out my life (multiple times), and helping me learn about myself. We’ve traveled to Paris and London together. You’ve literally met my whole family even the ones overseas. You are forever a piece of me for that I thank you. Thank you for being my sister, my best friend, my shoulder to cry. 

DSC_0041

This card. This card shook in my hand. After reading this card I couldn’t stop my hand from shaking. This card was from when I graduated high school. I was a different person five years and funny enough I am becoming all the things that were mentioned in this card. The women who wrote this card was an incredible, vibrant, hysterical soul who made amazing coffee. The women knew me since I was in the belly. She’s watched me grow from a baby to a tall beautiful 18 year old with her life ahead of her. Honestly this is hard to write without crying. This woman was incredibly kind to me and most importantly my mom. Mom worked with her for over ten years. She wrote this card telling me how proud she was of me and how much I’ve grown up. Reading it hurt a lot. She passed away after my Paris trip with Yily a few years back. My mom and I are still close with her family. Tina thank you for being sweet with my mom and me. Thank you for the coffee. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful I am and sweet and humble I am. Thank you for reminding me that I do have an amazing future ahead of me and it’s because of the mark you and your family have left on my heart. 

DSC_0039

The cards I have above aren’t even all of them. I have so many cards from mom it’s insane. But she is my mom. My mom picks the most emotional cards, underlining important words and always write in Portuguese at the bottom. Over the years I’ve looked forward to her cards. Whether it’s Easter or my birthday her cards remind me that she is incredibly proud of me. Even though I am slow she is sometimes patient with me. Even on my temperamental days she’s there to snap me back to reality. There are a lot of things my mother has taught me. Not just to be brave, independent and smart. But I’ve learned a lot of the not so good traits that I’ve picked up from he. Traits that I’m changing with myself and in turn with her. She made me realize that we aren’t so different. That I wasn’t loving her the way I should have. For instance I like people praising things I’ve done so does she. Every time my mom is wearing a new outfit or creates something she will repeatedly ask me if she looks nice or if it’s pretty. She questions herself a lot and I do the exact same thing. Realizing that I always make sure to shower her with compliments. Or how sometimes my mom thinks negatively out loud saying she’s dumb or bad at something. Something I’ve done my entire life. I still strive to fix all of that within myself. And I’m there to remind her she is none of those things. That she is incredibly smart, brave and kind. She’s raised two kids on her own. My mom is everything for me. A lot of people point out that in person I talk a lot about her and that’s because it just mom and I. Mother and daughter against the world. I can’t imagine my life without her and it’s terrifying to think so. I know one day I’ll be able to give it all back to her. So thank you mom. Not only for feeding me and giving me clothes (although you had no choice in that since I’m your child and you want me to survive. Just saying, that’s your responsibility as a parent. Love you.) but for shoving me towards opportunities and reminding that life is hard but if you fight back you’ll get rewarded. I love you so much. 

DSC_0038

These girls right here have supported me the past few years. We reconnected a few years after high school and it’s safe to say that these girls are my sisters. They are my rock. They support me in every aspect of my life and remind me that it’s okay to be sad and ti have anxiety. They help me physically, emotionally and mentally. I love them all so much and can’t wait to see where life takes. My Supposably Miami Crew.

Each of these people I have collected multiple cards, invitations and random papers from. I’ve cherished everything they have done for me and left for me. They have all taught me to grow. There are many people that have taught me a lot of lessons. And that’s the thing about life. You are going to meet a lot of people throughout your life that will teach many things. You are going to make amazing connections and sometimes those connections end. Doesn’t mean that it wasn’t for nothing. I firmly believe that certain people are meant to pass through you in life. They are meant to come ringing your doorbell and dropping gifts of laughter, grief, heartache, kindness but most importantly growth. 

Reflect on your relationships of 2019 and before. Think about those people and what they’ve taught you. Think about how you’ve changed since meeting or ending with them. You’ll realize you’ve changed a lot. 

2019 has been an interesting year filled with-OH WAIT. I can’t really talk about 2019. That’s for another post you’ll just have to wait for. 

Anyway this clearance girl is signing off. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope it meant something for some of you. 

 

Why Pixar’s New Short ‘Purl’ Represents Women in The Workforce

By now we’ve managed to be sucked into the world of Disney+. Most of us have turned into mindless Disney zombies with our Mickey ears and blanket corned into our bed. We’ve relived our childhood over and over again. We’ve even given some of the new things a try like High School Musical: The Musical: Series (not too bad actually) and The Mandalorian (BABY YODA).

But what’s caught my eye besides Hannah Montana and Tailspin are Pixar’s short films. We’re all familiar with Pixar shorts like Piper or Bao. They are short films that are less than ten minutes long but move our hearts in the simplest ways and makes us cry with tears of pure joy. 

One that has caught my eye is Purl. Looking at the picture it’s quite unusual but hey it’s Pixar. A talking, walking ball of yarn doesn’t phase me at this point. Starting the film you are tossed into a work floor full of men who are in less than intelligent ways very bro like. Extremely toxic masculinity. They exhibit bro behavior. What is bro behavior? Loud, obnoxious, terrible insensitive jokes. They sorta still act as if their in high school. You know, bros.

purl2

The film centers on Purl, a talking ball of pink yarn who is the newest hire at  B.R.O. Capital (get it…B.R.O). We follow Purl through her first day at work and watch as she navigates a sea of white men in suits. She is bright and full of color.

purl

The men on the other hand make dirty jokes, love happy hour, and act more like they’re back in the ‘good old college days’ of frat than conducting a business meeting. After she’s consistently ignored at the water cooler, talked over, and shut out of drinks with her coworkers, Purl stares are the wall of workers who’ve made it. All white men who look alike. In that moment she decides to conform to her office’s culture to fit in. She changes her appearance, parties with the boys, and tells borderline misogynistic jokes. She’s “happy”. 

But in walks a yellow ball of yarn and Purl is stunned. The men ignore the new ball of yarn. Purl seems conflicted as she sees who she used to be in the new hire. Realizing what she’s done to herself in feeding the men’s harmful behavior rather than correcting it she stands with the new ball of yarn in solidarity. 

Fast forward B.R.O capital has changed drastically. The office has become a much more inclusive and diverse place thanks to Purl. There are now just as many yarn balls as men in suits, and they work in perfect harmony. The ending is short and simple. We don’t know how long it took for the office to become diverse but we know that will time the hearts and behavior can change. 

Purl is a great representation of women trying to fit into a male dominated job. We see it with women in science, engineers and even in film. The stigma that we are overly emotional and weak has long been discredited over and over again. We are still fighting for equality. It’s been a long battle and will continue to be so. But history has proven time and time again that women are one of the strongest people in the world. Society has molded us that way and will gladly take anything down.

Also side-note there is a curse word in this short… 🙂 Make sure you parents read the ratings!

purl3

Sunny Side Up and Over Done

A lot of great things have been happening lately. But I can’t help feeling as if I’m doing everything wrong. I just finished my first big stage assistant director show and we sold out every night. Which I should be proud of. My first semester as a senior finishes next month. I, for sure don’t want to think about school next year (more like avoiding). Booked my first graduation shoot. And I finished not one but two internships in social media marketing.

I’m accomplishing so much yet I feel like things could have turned out better or that I’m not trying hard enough or not paying enough attention to my actions or words. I can’t help but feel disappointed in myself. But this is negative Nancy speaking. What’s worse is I know that. That all those negative thoughts are the old Isabel making herself feel bad, making the world revolve around her. And I apologize to anyone that may have felt me doing that.

Today was suppose to be a relaxing day and yet I was racked with over sensitivity. My eyes were cracking open with tears for every little thing like dropping my Christmas tree star, squirting dish soap everywhere and even blowing a fuse. Everything I did and said just felt wrong. And after an insane, highly demanding weekend every nerve in me was/is shot.

And it’s because all the pressures of the past few months have been piling up. And what did I do every time I felt frustrated? Told myself to suck it up, it’s fine, I’m fine. My mantra that’s become detrimental to my mental health is, “it’s okay I’m fine.” So now I sit here, typing this up on Monday November 24 at 11:33 PM hoping this aids in some form of release. Hoping this strikes a similar chord in your heart and you realize you’re not alone.

Because things will go wrong. You’ll have days where the coffee you made tastes like dirt, you burnt dinner, you tripped over yourself or forgot to get that email sent out. It happens to the best of us. Heck it’s happening to me now. But I’ve learn to recognize those days. I’ve learned to cry it out. I’m an emotional person. I take everything to heart. I’m an empath. This is something I try to remind myself every time. And bless my friends who do help me (ma girls).

Tomorrow is a new day with new beginnings. All it takes is one step in your own right direction. Also a glass of wine never hurt anyone…that is only if you’re an adult other than that tea does the same thing…for the soul.

So here’s to tomorrow! Which for me starts in seven minutes. I just realized that three years ago I started this blog. Last year I kept up with it but next year I’ll be on top of it.

And I alas sadly am not tired. Really got to get a better sleeping schedule.